Words from the null.

So. Let's start with a little history.

March 31st, 2006 - Girl and I start dating. Things go great for roughly the first month. The second month was still fairly good, but things slowly started to deteriorate. But we still loved each other and were making it work.

July 17th, 2006 - Girl's 21st birthday. A few days earlier, we get a cat for her birthday. We name him Azreal. Things are going fairly well right now.

A week or two later, girl gets some bad news and decides to end the relationship. I spiral into a deep fit of depression and feel betrayed. We make up about a week later.

Then she has surgery and asks me to marry her. I think, great. This is what I want. Things go well for about a month, then she starts to get cold feet. We break of the engagement to ease her mind, but at this point, it's too late. We struggle with the relationship for another couple weeks and boom. It's over.

I still love her, but the relationship has, honestly, been over for about a month now. It hurts, and I hate to see it end, but there's no alternative. I don't know what lies ahead for either of us. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life now. I thought I had things kind of figured out for once. I was finally planning ahead. Now my plans are shot, because they all revolved around being with her.

I guess I'm just a noob when it comes to real life and socializing with the greater community. I wish life wasn't this hard.

What's even worse, is people are happy and hooking up all around me, and I'm stuck. Again.

And I have been stuck for nearly two months now, but that was entirely my decision. I wanted what I had. However, now that my hopes and plans have deteriorated, I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the coming months. I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to rush into another relationship. I'm not ready for more shards of my heart to shatter into tiny little pieces.

Yes, I'm in pain, but I'm still here and still alive. Though part of me has died, it really died long ago. I'll need a little bit of healing time, but world, I want to take you on, full force.

Regardless of not looking for another serious relationship, for the time being, I am very interested in meeting new people and making new friends. I need to get out more.

If you're in the Greater Seattle area, let me know and strike up .. well.. something.

And with that, I bid you all happy trials. Or something. I really don't know.

--nullpuppy(out)